The Feedback Secret That Transforms Teams

In my early days as a junior leader, I dreaded giving feedback. I avoided awkward conversations, postponed difficult discussions, and hoped that small problems would somehow resolve themselves. Instead, they grew into big problems.

I was failing my team.

I wanted to do better, so I started saving feedback for 1:1 meetings, waiting for the "right moment." If an issue was particularly challenging, I’d turn to books like Crucial Conversations or Crucial Confrontations, carefully mapping out how to approach the conversation.

But I was missing the whole point.

Feedback Isn’t About the Past—It’s About the Future

I realized that feedback isn't about dissecting what went wrong; it's about shaping what happens next. Instead of viewing it as a big, risky event, I reframed feedback into frequent, small conversations—mostly about what was going right and occasionally redirecting behaviors that needed improvement.

This shift was reinforced when I studied Dr. Richard Boyatzis’ Intentional Change Theory. He introduced the concepts of Positive Emotional Attractors (PEA) and Negative Emotional Attractors (NEA). Positive feedback (PEA) fuels growth. Negative feedback (NEA) is sometimes necessary, but it must be carefully balanced.

The ideal ratio? Three to five times more positive feedback than negative.

Even more striking: In The Effective Manager, Mark Horstman found that the best leaders give nine times more positive feedback than negative.

Your Team Craves Feedback—Give It Often

Employees want feedback. A staggering 96% say regular feedback is helpful, and 92% agree that even negative feedback—when delivered well—improves performance.

So, how do you give feedback effectively?

Keep It Short—15 Seconds or Less

The best feedback isn’t a long-winded lecture. It’s a quick, direct, and encouraging exchange. Here’s how to do it, using Mark Horstman’s approach:

1️⃣ Ask for permission – "May I give you some feedback?"
2️⃣ Describe the behavior – "When you [specific behavior]…"
3️⃣ Explain the impact – "…it helps [positive outcome]."
4️⃣ Encourage future behavior – "Please keep doing that."

Example: Positive Feedback

👉 You: "May I give you some feedback?"
👉 Them: "Sure."
👉 You: "When you come to our meetings well-prepared, it helps the team make better decisions. Please keep doing that."

Example: Correcting Behavior

👉 You: "May I share some feedback with you?"
👉 Them: "Sure."
👉 You: "When you arrive late, the team has to wait, and our agenda gets disrupted. Please prioritize arriving on time."

That’s it. Fifteen seconds. Short, direct, and effective.

Build a Feedback Culture

Creating a strong feedback culture starts with extreme ownership—leading by example and taking full responsibility for your team’s success. Once your team embraces this mindset, they’ll be more open to feedback, eager to improve, and even seek out opportunities to grow.

If you want to become a truly impactful leader, don’t wait for the “right moment” to give feedback. Make it a daily habit. Look for behaviors you want to reinforce and call them out in the moment.

That’s how you bring out the best in your people.

Your Turn: Try It Today

What’s one piece of positive feedback you can give someone right now? Take 15 seconds, call out a great behavior, and see the impact. Then hit reply and tell me how it went—I’d love to hear your stories!

Cheers,

Jeff