The Leadership Mistake That Nearly Cost Me My Team

Early in my leadership career, I thought I was doing everything right. My team had talent, but something was off. Morale was shaky, trust was low, and even my top performers seemed disengaged.

I kept hearing one phrase that should have set off alarm bells:

“Whatever you say, boss.”

At first, that might sound like respect. But it wasn’t. It meant my team wasn’t truly invested. They weren’t challenging ideas, bringing their best thinking forward, or pushing for innovation. I wasn’t leading—I was just managing.

The Wake-Up Call

Then, one day, a top performer stormed into my office and said:

“I need to be promoted. Now.”

They weren’t just frustrated—they had lost faith in my ability to recognize talent and address issues. The real kicker? They weren’t wrong.

I had tried every external fix—team-building outings, happy hours, offsites—but nothing changed. Because the real problem wasn’t my team. It was me.

The Shift: Leadership Starts With You

The turning point came when I realized: Leadership isn’t about authority—it’s about service.

I had to stop focusing on my own success and start focusing on my team’s. If I wanted trust, I had to become someone worth trusting.

I sat down and wrote my Personal Ethos—a set of guiding principles to hold myself accountable as a leader and as a person. I’ve never shared it publicly before, but in the spirit of growth, here it is:

My Personal Ethos

I am a warrior, grinding away every day, on a path to being the very best I can be.

My purpose is to protect and provide for my family, to love them, to serve them, to play with them, and to enable each of them to pursue their own paths to being the very best they can be.

I do not squander or waste a single day that I am alive. Every day is loaded with opportunities to learn and grow, getting stronger and better.

I know I am capable of doing 20 times better than I am doing today.

I never shy away from hard leadership roles, yet I step back when it is someone else's turn. I am not after power, money, or glory—rather, the opportunity to lead, learn, and serve my purpose.

I never quit in training, in a race, in a roll, or in any meaningful challenge, no matter how difficult or painful, and no matter how long I must endure.

I stay humble, keep my ego in check, keep my emotions under control, and take extreme ownership of every aspect of my life.

I take nothing for granted. I am extremely grateful and I spend time every day acknowledging that for which I am grateful.

I choose the hard path over the easy path. I know there is no growth in the comfort zone.

I don't fear failure and I never shy away from risk. I know why I am doing what I’m doing.

I implement relentless self-discipline every day, overcoming distraction, pain, and pleasure, on my way to achieving amazing results.

What This Means for You

If you want to be a great leader, start by defining the kind of leader—and person—you want to be.

Write your own personal ethos. Then live by it.

If your team isn’t responding the way you want, don’t start with surface-level fixes. Start by looking inward.

Ask yourself: Are you showing up as someone worth following?

Right now, I’m deep into research conversations on real, messy leadership challenges in the tech industry. If morale, trust, or engagement are on your mind, I’d love to hear your perspective.

📅 Let’s chat—schedule a brief, confidential call:
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Cheers,
Jeff